I have always thought of myself as a hospitable person. When people come over, I take their coats, I get them a drink, I try to anticipate their needs. I like to keep flowers on the table to create a warm environment. Beyond the home, I like to be about the hospitality of large events – greeting people, seeing to the welcoming details, once again, anticipating the needs of people. For much of my adult life, my view of hospitality was limited to this kind of “tending to” the comfort needs of others. Several years ago, life changes opened my eyes to the idea that hospitality is more than “tending to” people. It is also creating space for people. Creating and holding space for others is among one of the most holy things we can do for one another.
Beyond Tea and Flowers
One of the ways we show holy hospitality is by giving others space to be. I never really thought about how important that was until I sat with my own spiritual director several years ago following my divorce. In that set aside space, I broke down into a puddle of emotions and tears as I processed and mourned the loss of my marriage. My spiritual director didn’t try to fix anything. She didn’t rush my emotions. She didn’t try to change the way I was experiencing my reality. She just let me be in that sacred space I was in – letting me feel, mourn, get angry, question – all of it.
The Art of Holding Space
There is a holiness to holding space for others. There’s a hospitality to providing for a person’s needs simply by sitting with them in whatever season of life they are in. We live in such a “fix it” society, that just being with someone who is experiencing hard emotions is rare and counter intuitive. And yet, when we do just that, the Holy is felt and true hospitality is offered. Henri Nouwen, one of my favorite spiritual writers, notes that hospitality “is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place.” To me, that means that hospitality is more about holding space for each other to experience whatever is real in that moment, rather than trying to rush the moment to something “lighter” or “less emotional.”
Hospitality is most certainly a spiritual gift. Whether it is used in welcoming the stranger or the friend, whether it involves a cup of coffee or a table with flowers at the center, hospitality is at its heart about holding space. It’s a gift that not everyone has, but everyone can appreciate, and one we all need at some point. I am ever thankful for the people who have offered hospitality and space to me: Sister Michaela, Sister Marlene, my covenant sisters past and present, and my husband Keith, who is able to put aside all his “fix it” ways and allows me to be me in every moment I need it.
Reflection
I invite you to consider all the ways you have experienced the gift of hospitality. Who offered it to you? Reflect on what it felt like to be heard, to be seen, and to be allowed the space to be. How can you be a person of hospitality, even if it is does not come easily to you?
Perhaps, we can start with a prayer:
God of time and space,
Every day, you call out to us and welcome us with open arms.
You call us blessed. You call us yours.
And yet sometimes, we struggle to feel you and know you – you feel so far away.
We give you thanks that when we need it most, you offer us people who can grant us physical and emotional space to be with you, feel you, and be reminded of you.
Lord, may we be people who can provide sacred space for others.
May we be people who offer hospitality with open arms and hearts.
May we be your flesh – offering your heart – to all who need it today and always.
Amen.